I'm not sure why Sweetiepoo thinks I can't handle grocery shopping. Just because there was that one time she asked me to get her a box of penn…
Life was complicated enough when I had to talk with people. Now, I have to talk with inanimate objects, too. It used to be that was grounds fo…
Sweetiepoo decided to take me on a vacation this week. As soon as it's over, I'm going to need to plan another vacation to get over this one.
So I took a vacation. I know immediately the thought that came to your mind: "From what? You don't do anything."
Someone told me the Olympics are over. Thank goodness. My DVR was running out of reruns I'd already seen five times.
Mankind has and will continue to be caused to take pause and reflect on great philosophical matters throughout his existence. Fortunately, Fat…
Why is it change only comes after you've mastered the thing that's changing?
The great thing about having a column be a finalist in the Tennessee Press Association's Best Humor Column category is that it allows me to re…
I think Saturday evening I set the world record for how many times you could say, "No, don't you do that," in both one minute and one breath. …
My five-year-old niece, Little Turtle, has been on a room-cleaning kick. I'm not sure what prompted the change, seeing as how, from the time s…
I've never stayed in a bed and breakfast before. Actually, that's not true. Momma and Daddy gave me a bed and Momma gave us all breakfast, so …
Beware: All that glitters is not Wonka's Golden Ticket. Sometimes, it may look like Wonka's Golden Ticket, smell like Wonka's Golden Ticket, w…
If you're of the opinion that kids today don't care enough to take a stand on the important issues, I'm here to tell you that depends on your …
Roman Polanski's famous private eye thriller, "Chinatown," is one of my favorite movies. It begs the philosophical question of where to draw t…
I'd agreed to watch the house and the menagerie of animals within it while my friend, K., was away this weekend because (a) I'm ignorant, and …
I’ve found in my long association with my five-year-old niece, Little Turtle, that if you want her to do something, you should tell her to do …
When my girlfriend, Sweetiepoo, suggested, "Let's get Wawa," I answered, "I don't want water. I want a coffee and something to eat."
My five-year-old niece, Little Turtle, either doesn't know how to properly run a race or how to properly cheat. I haven't quite figured out wh…
It's a sure sign someone really loves you and cares about you deeply when they totally ignore you.
At first, I thought my friend was joking when she said Monday was National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day. Turns out she was not only serious,…
My practical knowledge of economics lies somewhere between Nobel Prize-winning theory and "If I buy two burgers on the Value Menu, do I get fr…
Do you know what leaves me utterly confused?
Why is it the times you're trying to buy something clandestinely and not draw attention to yourself, that's the time that the person in front …
My girlfriend, Sweetiepoo, was nervous about meeting my older sister, Ray, for the first time. Then, she actually met Ray and got mad at herse…
I'm not sure if you're familiar with the concept of a girlfriend, so let me explain it: Imagine taking your conscience, merging it with a stro…
Since my five-year-old niece, Little Turtle, has started playing semi-non-professional Tee Ball, I've noticed a few differences between that v…
I always knew the time would come when my five-year-old criminal genius niece, Little Turtle, would decide I'm expendable. But, she did use he…
My five-year-old niece, Little Turtle, is not very good at doing laundry. She's good at creating laundry - and then scattering it across the f…